Motherhood - First Experience

The following is written specially for a friend, a newbie mom and other mothers who read it too.

Just like you, friend, way before ibn's birth, way before I got married, this natural, maternal feeling has always been with me - to raise my own kids, with very minimal interference of other parties. This too has been made clear to Zauji, my parents and in-laws too. Alhamdulillah, Zauji has the same thought too, though people think that it is a waste of my degree in Early Childhood Education for me to stay at home and care for the household, particularly kids. Reason being, we both have seen the way we and our siblings were brought up, trying to apply the positive values of both sides of our families. We would also like the BEST for our kids ukhrawi and duniawi, with the focus of the latter one. Education indeed begin at home and parents are the first teachers to educate their child/ren, even before they were born into this world. Indeed the 1st 3 years is the MOST crucial stage in a development of a child. It is when the kids learn values, morals and many other things that you can think of, the stage where their "sponge" brain absorb almost anything that they see, hear and do. This is also the stage when TRUST, ATTACHMENT and CARE is developed between a child and his/her main caregiver.

The birth of ibn
Although there were complications during conceiving ibn till the day he was born, I told myself not to bother so much my parents as well as in-laws. I would feel awkward having them to come over during my confinement and help out. Zauji suggested to have my mum sleep over at our place till my confinement over. Knowing my mum and her commitments (household, mengaji and religious classes), I try my best not to tire her so much by coming over to our house daily. Hence, this is the minimal that I asked for during my 1st confinement - she comes over with the meals, shower ibn and helped out in feeding ibn (that time tengah jahil, I gave milk to ibn during his 1st month by bottle and partly formula. Of course, we gave her some monies for her help. Alhamdulillah, Allah provided me with more breastmilk later. Other household like laundry, and cleaning up were done by me with little help from Zauji (ehm, I nagged in order for things to get done by him. I'm so so so sorry, but somehow some things are shared responsibilities). Only during the 1st month that I had the help of my mum. Subsequently it was all on my own, managing the household and ibn.

Having 1 child, ibn then was already a challenge. Nights of crying and tears rolling down my cheeks almost everyday. Zauji only spotted them once in a while. I picked up skills along the way, coping with myself, physically and emotionally, trying to carry out my responsibilities. Zauji gave words of encouragement to me, but at times during that confinement period when the post natal hormones were yet to stabilize, I did go bonkers and a little depression. His words were ignored and I wanted my own ways. Things were hard at that time and our marital relationship got tense a bit. This statement was made truth by my mum during 1 of my visits to my parents' - pasal anak, kita bergaduh dengan suami.

The sore nipples experience was indeed a discouragement for me to continue breastfeed ibn, plus the comments of family members who discouraged me to continue breastfeeding. The kept saying that "Susu badan mana cukup. Tak puas budak tu minum." No wonder, supply is little - it is due to psychologically, I felt stress. It took me about 3 months psychoing myself to continue breastfeeding ibn as I know, in my knowledge BREASTMILK IS THE BEST GIFT FROM A MOTHER TO HER CHILD GIVEN FROM ALLAH. Who is going to give the breastmilk if not Allah, through HIS creation?!!! Alhamdulillah, I talked to some mothers who were experienced breastfeeders (mainly Kak Mariamah Latiff and wife to Cikgu Ridhuan). I even self learn the skills of breastfeeding sitting down, lying down and to the extent of breastfeeding in public. It is totally hands-on and self-learned though the knowledge I gained was through reading.

I hope that with Allah's willing, this post will somehow give you, my friend the confidence and strength in your discovery being a new mother.

Ummu Mukhtaar